The Days When Yuuko Just isn’t Normal
by Kagurazaka
Summary: An intended collection of one-shots featuring Yuuko... and her slightly crack-ish self.
1. Yuuko and Computers

_**The Days When Yuuko Just isn't Normal**_

I don't own holic. An intended collection of short one-shots of Yuuko and her crack-ish self.

**Chapter 1: Yuuko and Computers (First part)**

"Watanuki?" A certain witch called out to her part-time worker. She propped her chin on a hand and waited lazily for him to answer.

"Yes, Yuuko-san?" Watanuki continued dusting, but swivelled his head a bit to have a clear view on his mistress to reply. Oddly, she didn't seem drunk. Or high. He didn't recall the weather forecasting news saying that there would be a blizzard today, but just in case, he might as well start preparing.

"I need your advice."

_Sigh._ "Go ahead, Yuuko-san. Though don't ask me about the lack of customers; I don't know how to revive a business in slump. Maybe they know better than to entrust their wishes to a drunken witch."

_WHACKWHACKWHACK_

"Now, which sounds better: Eki-kyabeGurl007 or Time-SpacePirate?"

Watanuki almost dropped his duster. "_I'm sorry, what?_"

"My online nick-name. Everyone has one these days."

"...You're just insane, Yuuko-san. What happened to the one you used when meeting the laptop lady?" _At least that's normal._

"But this is this, and that is that. Besides, youngsters these days always use nicknames like that. I think it's cute."

"It's _definitely not cute at all!_ Besides, 007? Sheesh, that's something from the past generation."

Yuuko's eyes took a dangerous look. "Are you implying... that I'm old?"

"You are."

_WHACKWHACKWHACKRUBBERDUCKYWHACK_

"Ah, but," Yuuko sighed fondly, "I always preferred Power Rangers. I remember the days when that smug jerk and I would go to conventions about masked riders and cosplay as them. I always ended up as Red. Fun days..."

_Cluck._ The sound of a duster hitting the floor.

"_Oh. My. God._ What in hell did you drink/inhale/eat/inject today, Yuuko-san?!"

"Mushrooms."

Darn the rainy season and damp closets.


	2. Yuuko and Speculations

_**The Days When Yuuko Just isn't Normal**_

**Chapter 2: Yuuko and Speculations **

Yuuko started think that Watanuki might be gay. Or at least, subconsciously. God knows she tried, oh how she tried to at least spark some interest in those pale blue eyes. Why the hell would she wear such obscenely revealing clothes every time he was around, then? Or raise her impossibly long legs into such suggestive positions?

It was a definitive fact that she was _perfect._ She knew without doubt that no male (or to some extent; females), absolutely no one (save that one arrogant magician), was able to resist her utterly seductive charms. To make sure that she had indeed not wrinkled with age and that all the vanity had been self delusional, she had well, revealed a little of her legs to the mailman this morning, and things got a little bit more interesting then, but Watanuki just had to come, and she had to shoo to poor man out, because she didn't want to damage her dear Watanuki's innocent sight or and fragile hearing just yet.

It won't be as fun as waiting.

Alas, as his employer (and self-proclaimed guardian), she was worried by his utter lack of interest. She didn't have any problem with him being gay, though. It might even prove to be a good past time. To watch, she meant. She pondered for a long time whether Watanuki would be the uke or seme; it won't be surprising for that person to hide a fiery passion underneath his stony exterior. Happens all the time in anime and dramas anyways.

But, Yuuko was an exceedingly narcissistic woman, especially more so when she was high from opium and just drank the lethal dosage for humans ten times over. And like any other narcissistic beings, she hated not being noticed.

She would sneak in some R-rated doujin into the warehouse, tell him to fetch those, and watch his reaction. Perhaps he was even one of those poor souls with a 2D fetish.

And so she called her dear Watanuki over and raised her leg over the divan, lips widening into a sly smile that had always chilled Watanuki to the spines.

Tonight might even be more fun than this morning.


End file.
